At least one point in our lives
we've heard, "A relationship requires a strong foundation" or
something along those lines.
A relationship does require a strong
foundation, but prior to creating a strong foundation with someone else one
must establish his or her individual foundation. Two individual foundations
equal a strong foundation. Without a strong individual foundation an individual
may end up becoming "clingy" or co-dependent on someone. Without a
strong individual foundation, what will an individual be sharing with someone
else? Your foundation is what you share with another person.
In case you're wondering. Your
foundation is a mix between: your perception of life, how content you are with
your life, what happiness means to you and inner happiness, how and if you
address your emotions, if you learn from your experiences (positive or
negative). These are what you can start with for acknowledging your personal foundation.
An individual's foundation is "Who the person is" beneath the
surface. Beneath what career field you're in, where you reside, what type of
music you listen to, etc. If you're going to share your self (Time & label
of relationship are irrelevant) or life with someone you should be familiar
with the above.
-Your perception of life is key to
relationships. Two different perceptions of life that are not clearly stated
could cause a few issues. Think about it, your perception of life gauges your:
choices, actions, emotional response, thoughts, how you view your experiences,
etc. What's your perception of life? And do you live your perception of life or
is it something that just makes great conversation?
-How content you are with your life
is key to relationships. If you're not content with where you are on your path
then how do you think that impacts your self-relationship? If you're not
content with your life then why/how do you think someone will be content with
being with someone who isn't even content with his or her life?
-What happiness means to you and
inner happiness is key in relationships. What does happiness mean to you? Do
you have inner happiness? Inner happiness flows through your being no matter
the day of the week, what happens 35 minutes from now, no matter the weather,
no matter who does what for you. Inner happiness really is love. The love you
have for yourself will constantly keep you happy no matter what crosses your
path or who crosses your path. Inner happiness is beneath the surface at the
very core of your being. Inner happiness is what is shared. Two individuals
should be individually happy prior to being in a relationship with each other.
Why? If someone needs someone to be happy then he or she is not sharing
happiness are they?
-How and if you address your
emotions is key in relationships. If you don't address your emotions by
yourself then how do you think that impacts your relationship with yourself?
Furthermore, how do you expect to share your self or life with someone else and
not address your emotions to yourself, so you can share them with your
significant other?
-If you learn from your experiences
is key to relationships. Why is this a part of your individual foundation?
Well, do you learn from your experiences as a single individual? As a single
individual who does learn from his or her experiences, how does you learning
affect your life? How does not learning affect your life? How does you learning
from your experiences affect your significant other? How does not learning affect
your significant other? The point is, how you learn from your own experiences
and the range of emotions that may accompany them can quite possibly have an
impact with your significant other. Especially when it comes to addressing and
embracing your emotions.
When you're sharing, you are
creating a link from your individual foundation to the other individual's
foundation. When you're content and happy by yourself and find strength within,
you won't be "clingy" with anyone. And you won't stay in an unhealthy
relationship with fear of being alone because you will know how to be happy and
that there is love and strength within. Having love within is how you're able
to share love without. You don't make love. You can't make something that
already exists, you just have to remember where love is and share it. And the
other individual must do the same. When you share love is when relationships
are fun and "deep" and without the drama. Why? When individuals share
what they have beneath the surface and not depend or expect someone to fill a
void is how healthy relationships are created. On another note, the void that
many have will have already been filled with self-love.
A person gets hurt when he or she
enters a relationship with a "Need" mindset and "Sharing" expectations.
These are complete opposites of each other. When the individual hasn't
remembered the love within but leeches on to the other individual; leans on the
other individual, is when he or she gets hurt. Why? I'll put it like this:
Imagine a wall leaning on another
wall. What happens if the other wall that is standing shifts in any direction?
The leaning wall falls and hits the ground. When the wall gets up it says,
"I will never get to close to another wall again" or "The next
wall must be 4 inches taller" or "The next wall must be a few shades
darker or lighter." Why is the wall making these statements? The wall is
in fear of falling and hitting the ground again and for having the perspective
right on the surface. If the wall can shift the perspective from the surface to
beneath the surface then the wall will see things from a different angle. The
problem was that the wall entered the partnership with the other wall in a
"Leaning position" instead of a standing position. The standing position
knows what is within and knows the love that can be shared. When the wall
remembers the standing position is when the wall will approach the next
potential partnership with a link of love while standing tall.
Standing tall for knowing that love
is within and not leaning on someone to feel loved. Love in relationships is
meant to be felt within (self-relationship) and shared. So build or acknowledge
your own foundation and stand tall remembering the love you have within
yourself. By remembering the love within you can contribute to creating a
strong foundation with a significant other.
Maceo is the author of
"Building a House: The Perspective from the Foundation". The title is
a metaphor for building a relationship the perspective from the individual and
building a life the perspective from the spirit. Maceo's writing focus is to
share his perspective of life and help others to shift their perspective on and
of life, by turning inwards to view life through the perspective of the spirit.
Since love resides in our spirit, individuals will be viewing life through the
perspective of love.
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