Relationships are strange things,
very hard to describe, intangible yet their effect on us can be physical but we
all need them don't we? As we go through life our tastes change, the type of
person that attracted us in our twenties probably would not when we are in our
fifties and so. This issue becomes very apparent when someone goes dating again
after the breakup of their existing relationship. They typically feel like a
fish out of water. They had spent years together with their
partner/husband/wife etc and suddenly they are on their own, no one to advise
them on what to wear, no one to discuss where they are going and so on.
So it comes as shock to the system
when they are going out into the big wide world on their own hoping to find
companionship and maybe romance, some just want a quick fling and notches on
their bedpost, everyone is different.
Either way going from a life of
predictability to one of uncertainty can be quite daunting for many and even
terrifying for others. There are many volumes written about
love/romance/relationships/life on your own etc etc some literature make dating
again after the end of a long term relationship some kind of precision military
operation, almost romance by numbers. That is very unlikely to work, for a
start the female brain and male brain are wired so differently, which is what
draws us together in the first place. So is there a way in which we can go
dating again in say our middle age years and try to achieve eventually a
desired outcome without it becoming a box ticking exercise. We want a
relationship with an element of common sense, a healthy dose of romance,
spontaneity, friendship and a big bucketful of cooperation,
All this is not usually achieved by
accident, you would need to put yourself in the right places, if you are into
sailing join a club that does that sort of thing etc. is your appearance as
good as it could be ask your friends or family for advice on this subject. How
about your physical status, are you over weight? When did you last go to the
barber? Anything you can do to give yourself the edge over the competition has
to be good for you and your confidence.
Another thing is attitude, for
whatever reason your other relationship ended, if it was a breakdown/divorce
what part did your personality play in it? After all it takes two to argue, are
there any lessons to be learnt from the separation and relationship breakdown?
If so what part of you needs some attention?
Very often after a relationship
breakdown, some old interests and hobbies are discarded sometimes because you
undertook them with your ex or you no longer have the space for the equipment
needed say like fishing-this can take up a lot of space for instance. However,
it is still good to have some interests even if it just walking in the
countryside, also interests have a therapeutic effect on the mind. Do make sure
you maintain some interest or two if only for something to talk about with
people you meet, otherwise you are likely to come across as a total bore.
If you do join some formalised
dating system it will give you more exposure to the type of partner you are
looking for, however, don't forget you might meet someone in the most unlikely
place, corner shop or gas station, you just never know. So without trying to
steal someone else's partner make sure you are always looking your best and
have a positive disposition, you never know when or where that person could be.
It's almost like marketing a business-you are the product.
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